Doubt

The Moon was hidden from me this morning.  Only the tips of the clouds showed her light.  It was an eerie scene.

In my cards this morning I got "Temperance", one of my least favorite cards.  And then the 7 of Coins.  The reading said:

"Doubt, the temptation to give up".  "The Seven of Coins means that, although they are taking their time, rewards for your actions are on their way.  Still, you might have doubt that you made the right choices - but rest assured that you did.  Its just a matter of time before you see it.  In the meantime, you'll feel a bit of stress and could suffer from insomnia".

Shut my mouth.  My feelings summed up correctly and true, for yes, I have had great doubt in the last few days.  Magick and prayer have seemingly failed to bring out an outcome I had deeply hoped for. 
I'm being guided to be patient, even though my heart breaks for what seems to be bad outcome to a situation.  I am being asked to accept that even at this juncture, the true story has not been told.  Hard to accept when you want things to be the way you've hoped for.  The Serenity prayer and One Day A Time axiom holding true.

For the past several days I've felt that the Magick, works and prayers I have performed have not worked.  It has been a tempering of my ego, a slashing of my soul, to accept the fact that sometimes your work does not produce the desired result. Its so easy to believe in the fairytales, the Magickal texts as gospel.  Yet I know this Earth is a beautiful brutal place.  Sometimes the Princess doesn't come down from the Tower.  Sometimes she stays there and dies.  I saw that first hand on my recent tour of the Tower of London, in London, England.  Sometimes the Sorcerer gets imprisoned and scratches his legacy on a wall, for others to see hundreds of years later.  I recall how much that affected me.  I dropped sage in that Tower to let his Spirit know I was there, a fellow practitioner of the Magickal Arts, and that yes we are still carrying on.

I feel its my ethical responsibility to share Magick and Conjure and even prayer, may not bring the expected results in the timeframe one has hoped for.  Ultimately we are not in control and learning that is a brutal slap of reality.  I abhor the cold and the dark and yet it comes.  I am powerless to change it.  I can only change my attitude or where I live.  I abhor it when my loved ones are hurt and yet I can't stop the events the set those things into motion.  I feel sad when my friends are hurt or when I hear about the countless acts of violence that make innocent people suffer, yet I can do nothing to change them.  I feel anger when I read about racism and its resurgence in America and yet people are who they are and I can't change that either.

It seems I'm walking in the shadows, which is so appropriate for this time of year.  Since I am such a Summer and Flower lover, each leaf that falls brings me a bit of sadness.  I know the season of cold and dark is approaching and I also know and  have faith Spring and Summer will return once again.  I suppose this is truly what this time is about.  Its about loss and letting go and also believing, knowing,  Sunshine and Flowers will return. For those who have loved ones who have departed, ancestors on the other side, it's about knowing we will be with them again, so we set a place for them and honor their Spirits.  Its also a time for us to let go, and for me it will be about doubt, and of those things that make us sad.  We will cast these things into the fire and let the smoke rise and take them away.

Blessed Be, So Mote It Be.

Priestess Najah