Who Can You Turn To

I've shed some tears lately.  Life has been tough in our household as of late.  We've been going through some shit.

I've found myself adrift, alone and wanting.  Feeling let down by practicing my Craft as a religion and the lack of direction for when times get really tough.

One thing that I have always found difficult about the Pagan path is its lack of reliable dogma (for lack of a better word) when things get hard and you're reaching for guidance.  Sure I love the beauty, the mystery and the freedom, to practice any way I please, but sometimes, one needs a sure foot to stand on when life gets hard.

I don't belong to a coven.  I'm solitary.  Solitary also means alone.  I'm very grateful for my friends.  It seems in time of need, truly the only place we can turn to is each other.  The Moon for all Her glory has felt far away and distant.

Spellwork has lost its luster, taking on a persona of something you do for fun and entertainment.  Perhaps we have done the community a disservice by rambling on and on, about the legitmacy and effectiveness of Spellwork.  I have found it to be a distraction from the real work one needs to do, which is to be right within yourself.  Sure, I like my talismans and I have truly found comfort in the light and prayer of a candle, but spellwork, not so much.

And a book.  The Craft, Wicca, whatever you want to call it, has no central book.  So where do you turn when you need comfort and reassurance.  Perhaps if I had grown up Pagan, I would be used to wandering all over the place for reassurance, but I came to the Craft from traditional organized religion and for all its deficits, there is something to be said about the word "organized".

I do have one book, which I was led to by my Year and A Day teacher.  Its called "Earth Psalms" by Angela Magara.  It truly is Goddess Psalms for life.  I'm glad I have it.  I turn to it daily and it is becoming my book.

And I have found comfort and strength through my daily practice of Shao-lin Kung Fu.  As Elder Ed Fitch so succintly put it "the world is not a peaceful or tranquil place".   My daily practice and training in Shao-lin Kung Fu and Tai Chi has helped me weather these times and become strong in ways I could have never imagined.

We're a new religion and new way.  We don't have the legacies of time behind us and that makes it hard sometimes.  We're all still figuring it out.  Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's annoying.

I had to find a new way to be with the Moon.  Last night's Full Moon was in Leo, a selfish Moon.  A time to ask what for you need.  I asked to find a new way, a new way to stand and be in right relationship with Her.  I realized in my dark hours the Moon is ever changing.  She appears, disappears, waxes and wanes.  She leaves us in the dark every month.  But she leaves her stars behind to guide us, help us and to let us know we're not alone.  Even though the stars are not as bright as the Moon they are still there as our guides.  The Sun and bless you Sun, is always there.  It is constant, never changing.  But the Moon has her ups and downs and then she goes away.  While she goes away, we have to faith that She will reappear.  And when She does, oh what joy when we see Her first silver Crescent in the sky.

So perhaps this is the way of faith.  Of our path with the Goddess.  Sometimes she goes away and feels cold and dark.  But She's never gone for long.

Blessed Be.